This question is for those of you who have been in love, want to be in love, are in love, have ever thought about being in love. How is it that two people can stand at an altar and swear on their lives that they’re going to love each other forever and ever and ever. That they’re going to be the only, one and only, the other ever has? I mean, this is like the deal, this is forever, till death do us part. And then five years, ten years later, they hate each other. In fact, they hate each other more than they hate any other individual on the planet. That the person he gave his deepest vow to is the person that he despises the most. Every time that person comes to mind, he just cringes; he can’t say a nice thing about her.
We see it all the time, but if you think about it, that’s just kind of weird, isn’t it? Why not hate some serial killer or some dictator in some other country? There are people who do horrible things that we don’t have any energy around. It’s like, oh, that’s too bad. We hear about these tragedies and mass murders. Oh, that’s too bad. Then you think about your ex-husband or your ex-wife or your ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé and it’s like, GRRR, all this anger.
We all know what’s required to fall in love . . . a pulse.
Falling in love is easy, but staying there, that’s something else entirely.
With more than a thousand matchmaking services available today and new ones springing up all the time, finding a romantic match can be easier than ever. But staying together with the one you’ve found seems to be the real challenge.
“Is it possible for two people to fall in love and stay in love forever together?” Absolutely!
We really want to see you have successful marriages and relationships.
Here is an excerpt from the “Staying In Love” study guide to help you begin a healthy discussion with your spouse.
A healthy, intimate marriage relationship starts with healthy hearts. That’s why we have to monitor them. This simple exercise can help us learn to pay better attention to what’s inside us. Here are the steps for applying it to your relational encounters:
1. Before you speak, think about what you’re actually feeling.
2. Identify this emotion by name (angry, embarrassed, unappreciated, unlovable, lonely, abandoned, afraid, out of control, betrayed, picked on, jealous, disrespected, insecure, etc.).
3. Once you’ve identified it, say it aloud.
4. If and when appropriate, tell your partner how you feel.
5. When your partner tells you how he or she feels, the right way to respond is to simply say, “Thank you. I’m glad you told me.”
As we learn to do this, we so often realize that a “marriage problem” we’re experiencing is actually a problem in our hearts. This approach is effective because when healthy people discover that something they do or say elicits negative emotions in their partners, they learn to stop doing it.
So to help you in the discovery process, here are three questions to discuss as a couple.
1. In a situation where there may be conflict or hurt in your key relationship, why is it so important to first understand what’s going on in your own heart?
2. In what ways have you found yourself monitoring your spouse’s behavior in regard to situations involving potential conflict or disappointment?
3. What can help us be more accepting of the fact that the “marriage problems” we encounter are very often individual “heart problems” that we need to identify, understand, and face up to?
Here’s to staying in love,
The North Point Resources Team